08 Feb I Can’t Stop People-Pleasing! The Science Behind Being Constantly Stressed and Health Implications.
In recent years, Dr Gabor Mate, a renowned physician and author, has garnered attention for his work linking emotional health, chronic stress, and the development of chronic illnesses, particularly autoimmune disorders. His insights shed light on a complex relationship between mental well-being and physical health, which is an area where women are found to be disproportionately affected.
This cycle involves chronic stress activating the body’s fight-or-flight response, leading to the release of stress hormones such as cortisol. When this system remains activated for prolonged periods, it can contribute to inflammation and immune dysregulation, which have been linked to an increased likelihood of developing autoimmune conditions.
In our blog, we explore this connection further and examine additional factors contributing to stress, including people-pleasing behaviours. By understanding these patterns, you can gain valuable insights to help build confidence in setting boundaries and implementing positive changes that prioritise your well-being.
What Impact Does Stress Have?
Over time, the chronic stress symptoms can wear down the body’s ability to regulate its immune system effectively, increasing the risk of autoimmune conditions. Additionally, frequent emotional suppression may prevent people from addressing underlying psychological distress, leading to a buildup of unresolved emotional tension in the body.
When individuals habitually suppress their own emotions and desires to accommodate others, it activates the sympathetic nervous system—the part of the body responsible for the fight-or-flight response. This constant state of alertness leads to elevated levels of cortisol and adrenaline, hormones that, when chronically elevated, contribute to inflammation, immune dysregulation, and increased vulnerability to disease.
Stress is a well-known factor in many health conditions, and research finding, including those by Dr Gabor Mate, emphasise that it’s not only the external stressors that matter—it’s how individuals internalise and manage them.
What Is People-Pleasing?
People-pleasing often involves self-silencing—repressing emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness. Research shows that emotional repression is linked to increased activity in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, a critical system involved in stress regulation.
Overactivation of the HPA axis has been associated with:
- Increased systemic inflammation
- Higher risk of autoimmune flare-ups
- Chronic fatigue and burnout
When individuals don’t have healthy outlets to process emotions, the physiological burden of constant stress may manifest in chronic conditions, particularly in those predisposed to autoimmune diseases. Interestingly, Dr Mate highlights that women, who often juggle multiple roles—caregiver, professional, partner—are more likely to experience chronic stress symptoms without adequate emotional outlets.
What Is the Impact of People-Pleasing?
One of Dr Gabor Mate’s key findings is the link between people pleasing aka. emotional repression and chronic illness. Many women, particularly those raised in caregiving roles, learn to suppress negative emotions like anger to maintain harmony. Over time, this emotional suppression leads to chronic internal stress, which can dysregulate the immune system, making the body more vulnerable to autoimmune responses.
Psychologically, this aligns with the concept of self-silencing, where individuals avoid expressing their true feelings to avoid conflict or rejection. While this behaviour may serve a short-term purpose, prolonged suppression can take a toll on both mental and physical health. To read more further about people-pleasing tendencies and how this can impact the body physiologically, you may like to also visit our other blogs.
Does People-Pleasing Impact Our Health and Body?
One of the key psychological patterns Dr Gabor Mate identifies in individuals with chronic illness, especially autoimmune disorders, is people-pleasing tendencies. These tendencies often stem from early life experiences where an individual learns to prioritise others’ needs over their own, often in an attempt to gain approval, avoid conflict, or feel valued. While this behaviour may serve a social purpose, it can have serious physiological consequences over time.
What Are Autoimmune Disorders?
Autoimmune disorders occur when the body’s immune system mistakenly attacks its own tissues. Common examples include rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, multiple sclerosis, and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. Interestingly, women account for nearly 80% of autoimmune cases, prompting questions about whether gender-specific psychosocial factors may play a role in the development of these conditions.
Dr Maté argues that beyond genetic predispositions, emotional stress and early life experiences significantly contribute to autoimmune disorders, particularly in women, who are often socialised to suppress emotions and prioritise others’ needs over their own.
Are Boundaries Useful For Self-Care?
A critical takeaway from Dr Gabor Mate’s work is the importance of setting boundaries. For women who have been conditioned to meet others’ needs first, this can feel uncomfortable or even selfish. However, setting clear boundaries is crucial for reducing stress and protecting both emotional and physical health.
In therapy, helping people to build assertiveness and self-compassion skills is a key area that is often explored. Learning to say “no” and prioritise one’s own well-being can significantly lower the chronic stress symptoms that contributes to illness.
What Can Psychologists Do to Help?
As psychologists Melbourne, we can help you to identify long-standing patterns of people-pleasing or self-silencing, which are most likely no longer serving you a positive function. In therapy, we can assist you to break the cycle that is resulting in emotional repression and chronic stress symptoms. This can be extremely challenging to identify and shift without professional support as it has likely developed into an unconscious pattern of behaviour— an automatic behavioural response to so many things in the world around you. Some evidence-based approaches that may be particularly effective include:
- Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR): Helps individuals to become aware of stressors and develop healthier responses.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Encourages individuals to accept difficult emotions rather than avoid them, while taking meaningful actions aligned with their values.
- Trauma-Informed Therapy: Since Dr Maté emphasises childhood trauma as a key factor in chronic illness, trauma-informed care can help us to process and heal from past experiences.
- Psychoeducation: Educating about the mind-body connection to help empower you to take proactive steps in managing emotional and physical health.
How Positive Wellbeing Psychology Can Help?
Dr Gabor Mate findings challenge us to rethink the way we view the mind-body connection, particularly in relation to chronic illness and women’s health. Addressing emotional repression, reducing chronic long term stress, and fostering self-compassion are critical steps toward improved well-being.
As psychologists, we have the unique opportunity and privilege to help guide clients in recognising harmful emotional patterns, setting boundaries, and developing strategies to protect both their mental and physical health. By doing so, we can help you reclaim a sense of balance and resilience in your life—one that benefits not only your mind but also your body.
If you’d like to learn more or explore therapeutic support, feel free to get in touch. Together, we can work toward greater emotional and physical well-being.
Author: Emily Burton
Emily is a Melbourne-based psychologist at Positive Wellbeing Psychology. Her clients describe her as warm and genuine, often feeling comfort and trust early in therapy.
Emily is experienced in treating anxiety, depression, low self-worth, stress and burnout, work addiction, loss of direction in life, goal setting, perfectionism, low self-esteem, adjustment to life changes, Adult ADHD, poor body image and binge eating disorder.
Additional Resources and Reading
Recommended Books
- Dr Gabor Mate When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection
- Dr Gabe Mate “The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture”
- “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk
- “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach
Recommended Research Articles
- “Stress and Autoimmune Disease” (Frontiers in Immunology)
- “Gender Differences in Autoimmune Diseases” (Environmental Health Perspectives)
- “Childhood Trauma, Stress, and the Risk of Autoimmune Disease” (American Journal of Psychiatry)
