18 Aug Fear Of Getting Older: Birthday Blues – Another Birthday, Another Year Older
The Birthday Blues Overcoming the Fear of Getting Older
Recently, a friend shared a sentiment that many of us can relate to when discussing their upcoming birthday. Their response was marked by reluctance when asked about plans for their upcoming birthday. They went on to elaborate and share they are not the one’ to celebrate their birthday due to the fear of getting older. This reaction, though personal, resonates with a broader concern about aging that many people experience. In fact, this is one of the most common responses to upcoming birthdays with many of my clients.
The Fear of Getting Older: A Common Struggle
The fear of aging is not unusual. For some, birthdays are a stark reminder of the passage of time and the inevitable changes that come with it. This fear can manifest in various ways, from anxiety about physical changes to concerns about life accomplishments and missed opportunities. It’s a fear that can overshadow what should be a joyous occasion.
Why Do We Fear Getting Older?
The fear of getting older is all so common that it has been coined gerascophobia. This term refers to a fear of growing or aging. Fear is an unpleasant emotion that occurs in response to a source of danger, whether real or imaginary, and has cognitive, behavioural, and physiological components.
Understanding the Roots of Ones’ Fear of Getting Older:
The fear of getting older, also known as gerascophobia, is a complex emotional response influenced by a variety of factors. At this time of year, we often engage in comparisons. This does not need to be to others, it is so very often with the ideal that we had mapped out in our head.
A few common contributions to this fear that are often not noticed are listed below:
- Societal Pressures: Society often equates age with declining youth, beauty, and vitality. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or fear about the future. The cultural narrative around aging often emphasizes loss and decline, which can heighten anxiety about getting older.
- Self-Expectations: Many people set high expectations for themselves, feeling that each year should bring significant achievements. When these expectations aren’t met, birthdays can become a source of stress rather than celebration. The pressure to fulfil self-imposed goals can overshadow the positive aspects of aging.
- Life Transitions: Significant life changes, such as career shifts or personal losses, can make birthdays feel like markers of unfulfilled goals or missed opportunities. When faced with significant transitions, individuals may perceive aging as a reminder of what has not yet been accomplished or achieved.
Why is aging so hard and impacting my mood?
The process of getting older and dealing with negative internal dialogue can feel beyond our control. Often, these automatic thoughts—those uninvited thoughts that arise spontaneously—are linked to deeper core beliefs about ourselves.
Negative core beliefs related to the fear of getting older may revolve around themes of inadequacy and subsequent diminished self-worth. Commonly, individuals may believe that their value is tied to youthful appearance and vitality, which can lead to anxiety as they age. As we touched on above, you may feel that you haven’t achieved enough by a certain age, leading to stress and a sense of missed opportunities. Specifically, those societal pressures and comparisons to others can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and fear of not measuring up. Whether it be, buying a house, having a baby, completing higher education, or working in a particular company, birthdays are a time that prompts those reflections.
In some instances, some people may fear losing their identity or purpose, seeing aging as a time of inevitable decline and loss of capability. These beliefs can overshadow the positive aspects of aging, impacting self-esteem and overall well-being.
How a Psychologist Can Help with the Fear of Getting Older?
Addressing the birthday blues and ones’ fear of getting older involves exploring and challenging deeply ingrained beliefs and values. Psychologists utilise evidence-based therapeutic approaches to support individuals in managing this fear and improving their overall well-being. These may use a combination of cognitive, schema-focused, emotion-focused, acceptance and commitment therapy, as well as elements of motivational interviewing to help individuals build a more positive and empowered outlook on their lives.
Effective Therapeutic Approaches for Managing the Fear of Aging:
- Cognitive Therapy: This approach often known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy(CBT) helps individuals identify and reframe negative thought patterns about aging. By challenging distorted beliefs and replacing them with more balanced perspectives, cognitive therapy can alleviate anxiety and foster a healthier view of the aging process.
- Schema-Focused Therapy: Schema Therapy delves into the underlying core beliefs that shape one’s view of aging. It aims to uncover and modify maladaptive schemas—persistent, negative thought patterns that contribute to fear and stress about growing older. By addressing these schemas, individuals can develop more positive and realistic beliefs about themselves and their aging journey.
- Emotion-Focused Therapy: This approach helps individuals process and manage the emotions associated with aging. By exploring and validating these emotions, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of their fears and develop strategies to cope with the emotional challenges of aging.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT focuses on helping individuals accept their thoughts and feelings about aging rather than fighting against them. It encourages clients to commit to actions that align with their values, despite their fears. This approach helps individuals embrace aging as a natural part of life and live a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
- Motivational Interviewing: This technique is used to enhance an individual’s motivation to change. In the context of aging, motivational interviewing can help clients explore their values and goals, providing insight and strategies for making decisions that align with their personal aspirations and overcoming fears about getting older.
How Positive Wellbeing Psychology can Help?
At Positive Wellbeing Psychology, we offer tailored approaches to help you manage and overcome the fear of getting older, also known as gerascophobia. Our experienced psychologists utilise evidence-based treatments such as cognitive therapy, schema-focused therapy, and ACT to address gerascophobia symptoms effectively. Through ACT therapy for anxiety, we guide you in developing healthier thought patterns and coping mechanisms, helping you to live a fulfilling life without being held back by the fear of aging.
Author: Emily Burton
Emily is a Melbourne-based psychologist at Positive Wellbeing Psychology. Her clients describe her as warm and genuine, often feeling comfort and trust early in therapy.
Emily is experienced in treating anxiety, depression, low self-worth, stress and burnout, work addiction, loss of direction in life, goal setting, perfectionism, low self-esteem, adjustment to life changes, Adult ADHD, poor body image and binge eating disorder.